Something's been stirring in me for the last few months; growing in intensity, clarifying and expanding. I've felt really challenged and moved about my friendships, about my lifestyle and about the compromises I make...
So much of what I could do for God is damaged or reduced by my compromises. If I make a mistake, or experience a difficult lesson, I attack it determined to learn from it. But when it comes to putting myself in a similar situation where it could happen again I run, I flee rather than seeing if my new found wisdom can be put into practice; stand the testing when it comes to the crunch. What is wisdom if it's never applied? What's the point in learning if you never exercise the lesson?
I wrote this in my journal yesterday...
"Lord, I want to see us, we twenty-somethings, we friends, we fools, this church, sold out for you! Not compromising, not being unfaithful, but focused on Jesus; totally in love. Healed and whole, disciplined and powerful, fun and anointed, gifted and wise, completely committed to others.
Father I don't want to waste this opportunity, this youth. Unite us, heal us, help us to lift one-another. Do it in this nation, this city, this community, my cell, in me.
Let us be people who do not leak your power through compromise, let us be people who bring hope. People who know you, who know your word, who love you. I want to be iron sharpening iron, real friends with real commitment, someone who makes unselfish decisions.
I don't know how to change the world, but I do know how to change myself. You are my hope, I believe things can change. It would only take a passionate minority within an apathetic majority to make a difference. LET IT BE US..."
There is so much power in the twenty-something community in Chichester, so much good. When we're focused on Jesus we can see amazing things happen. When we're not I feel like we're expending our energy in useless places. I guess with so many friends in hard places I'm feeling challenged about my commitment to people. How I really support them in prayer, how I love them, how sometimes the kindest thing is honesty. Reading The Vision & The Vow I'm wrestling with what it would mean to commit my life to living for others. Living unselfishly... right now I'd be shocking at it.
I feel very alive and very challenged. I have to think, I have to pray, my Lord is raising the bar, challenging my commitment. My eyes are sore and I'm a little weary but it feels good to be alive and growing...
"Nothing between us and God, our faces shinning with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured, much like the messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters and we become like him." 2 Cor 3:18 (MSG)