A normal walk through Chi is usually accompanied by a soundtrack to fit my mood and weather, but with my current lack of audio assistance I am beginning to realise how musically stimulated my imagination is. On any given day, with tunes in my ears, I would transform the streets of Chi into vast and fantastical landscapes full of adventure and intrigue...
I have this imaginary world within which I think up dozens of film scripts that usually consist of a very strong female lead facing different kinds of adversary and overcoming it with a little help from her friends. Ok, if I've lost your respect then I don't really care. My other world walking time is precious to me as a real down time from my day, a way to process, vent and collect.
As I walked in silence today I found my imagination stunted. It was a strange feeling. Rather than losing myself in a narrative I was distracted by the background noise of traffic, a load squeak my laptop bag makes when I walk and the general hubbub of the mundane world around me. I found myself thinking a lot more about today and though it made the journey seem longer, it may not be so bad for a change.
When I was walking back to the office for lunch a random thought crashed the front of my mind. I am getting better at apologising. Bizarre I know but I realised it's true. I used to hate apologising, not because I couldn't see what I'd done wrong but because it was admitting to failure and failure is probably in my top three greatest fears. Recently, for various reasons I've had to apologise to a few of my friends.
When I said sorry I didn't make excuses, they seemed pointless, I've been trying to be genuine and communicate that I regret letting them down. Random right? But I'm glad I'm getting better at it. I've also been thinking some about the film Closer. I saw it last night with Smiles and Dawson; it was a hard subject excellently performed. I wouldn't reccomend it for everyone but I'll type up my thoughts on it after a few more silent walks...