Self knowledge is a double edged sword. The positive is if you know yourself hopefully you can work your skills, strengths and weaknesses to their best, the negative is you're fully aware of when you're being a total loser...
I have a pattern and I know it well from years of repetition. I thought I'd licked some of the more negative aspects but last week proved me wrong. I know that after a large event, something stressful or overwhelming I go into a shallow default mode. I get quite low, I eat everything put in front of me, I only want to watch/read fiction and I become very seflish.
Some of that is rest and some of it is lazy selfindulgence. It began after the Engagement/Transit break/Christmas whirlwind when I sat down to write in my journal about everything that had happened and paralised myself with my own presure to record everything well.
I took a total break from everything I felt pressured in, sadly that included the Bible and prayer, not my brightest moment, and ended Saturday night feeling miserable because I'd gotten rid of all the wrong ingredients in search of rest. It's amazing how little time it takes for me to feel a million miles from God. Thankfully it's also amazing how little time it takes for Him to welcome me back when I turn around cap in hand.
Yesterday was amazing. Worship at Church rocked and I sat on my bed and kept writing until I'd finished my journal. I made it into the office this morning in good time feeling awake and decided to sit on Charlotte's exercise ball, it makes her return (a week and a half to go) seem closer and tore through three item on my to do in twenty minutes.
I know that I need people around me who know my life and point me in the right direction. This weekend it was Steve, next weekend it might be you. I would be lost with my friends and family, my God and my Church. Of that I am certain. xc