It's official, Steve and I are fully prepared for marriage, or at least we've finished the course that says we should be. Last night was the last evening we gathered to enjoy a scrumptious candle lit dinner and a few galsses of wine before sitting down to explore and discuss a different area of married life...
We've ploughed through communication, conflict, family culture, values, roles and my personal favourite, how to keep the love alive (said in a Barry Whitey kinda voice). Though the course never went particularly deeply into any one subject it was an excellent pit stop through the bredth of subjects best considered pre-nuptuals.
Nothing earth shattering for us but lots of little, day to day things that provoked conversation and a discovery of differences. I felt quite encouraged about this. I think the earthshattering you can handle as and when it comes. The real test seems to be how you cope with the ordinary, the small details that build a home.
There were many couples sharing their experience and advice on a lovely antique sofa when Harry Met Sally style. One couple, oldest and longest married, were particularly moving. Each week they were shown they always had something very wise to say, but last night they truly blew me away. As they were discussing the quite traditional roles they had taken within marriage, the wife calmly shared that her husband has just been diagnosed with Parkinsons and that from now on there roles would have to change. For decades he had been strong and taken the lead, now he had to sit back as this horrible disease took affect. And the wife who clearly loved her husband deeply had to step out of her well trodden role and become the strong partner to lead them into whatever the future may hold.
The most moving thing by far was how calm they remained as they talked about it. There was a sense that they were a unit, resigned to what was to come and facing it together, adjusting and moving to cope with it best. I hope that Steve and I can build a friendship that endures as well as their's. xc