Amazed & Confused

Paper, Fabric, Thoughts & Prayers

I said goodbye to my latest journal this morning.  The final page took me by surprise... my habit of taking random notes on the back pages always leads me to overestimate the space I have left.  It's just paper, fabric, thoughts and prayers but this particular journal has gone everywhere with me through the last six months of my life.  

They've been important months, I can track the progress of my study, my prayer and even my character through it's pages.  As I reluctantly took it out of my bag to transport upstairs to my ever growing archive, I opened the first page to read where I began... the answer... I began with 'presence'.  I flicked through the book and down a totally different avenue I got to 'presence' again.   Without needing to look at the final, fresh pages I know that 'presence' is where I still am.  I've been surprisingly ignorant to my six month theme.  God has been practically shouting at me about being aware.

This is what I love about journals.  I wouldn't want mine to be read by anyone but very close friends and I doubt they would make much sense even to them.  I've developed a kind of short hand in my scribblings and drawings that represent common topics and prayers.  Their value lies not in what is actually written or recorded but in what they represent.  I'm usually excited to say goodbye to one journal and start the adventure of fresh pages in another, but this time I feel it has come all too soon.  As I sit poised with my fountain pen over the first new page I am uncertain how to begin... xc

Introducing Mr Pear

 

As I browsed through my iPhone photo library yesterday I found a few surprises. It seems my sneaky husband has been picking up the closest phone to hand when inspiration strikes and a moment must be captured. Above is my favourite of the unexpected images. It beautifully encapsulates the attention to detail and unexpected enjoyment my Sven takes in the world…

Golden Sounds

I met Jon Bilbrough almost a decade ago when a youth church he was part of connected with Revs and took up the 24-7 Prayer challenge.  Myself (and I think Kerry Strotton as she was then) had travelled to Romford, Essex to join in one of their gatherings.  Jon sang and I thoroughly enjoyed his voice and his passion. 

Many years later his Youth group leader is now the UK Director of 24-7 and Jon has tracked with the community sharing his creativity and leading us in worship at International and European gathering points.  I highly recommend his latest album to anyone who wants to listen to something evocative and with a distinctly un-western sound.  If you fancy a taster Jon has just put a free track available to download on his blog.  Click on the image above to download...

Wants and Needs

I’ve been conducting a little experiment recently.  I set myself the challenge to refrain from purchasing something until I have completely exhausted what I already own.  ‘Well isn’t that obvious?’ you may ask, but sadly I’ve observed that there are many areas of my life where I create waste for very dubious reasons.

Let me paint you a picture…

Most months, as my Tesco home delivery arrives I sift through the fridge throwing away any out of date goods.  This monthly ritual often leaves me with a great sense of guilt as meats, and sauces I had intended to consume were left to decay, forgotten on the top shelf.  This January I decided to try to buy less but use it all.  My grocery bill went down and it’s required a little creativity on my part but as I enter the last week of the month my fridge and freezer are almost empty.  There are just a few meals left to carry us through to the next online harvest.  It feels really good…

Before Christmas Steve and I replaced our kitchen (it’s so pretty).  With the expense that accompanies such a project, combined with the generosity of the season I knew now wasn’t the time for spending money we didn’t need to…

Why is it always this moment that you run out of your favourite moisturiser? 

And your favourite mascara. 

And your favourite eye cream. 

Ok so I may be a little too pre-occupied with cleansing, toning and moisturising (my dressing table could be mistaken for an apothecary).  Over the years I’ve bought or been given freebies of toiletries that I haven’t loved the feel of quite so much as my favourite brand, and as a result I now have a drawer that needs to be opened with care because of numerous are the creams, lotions and tanners.   As I pondered whether I could replace my favourite moisturiser I felt challenged to open my drawer and count the number of started and discarded pots of said cream that I had stored away… I won’t share my shame but in summary I have not gone shopping.  Slowly but surely I have been making my way through the various products I would normally shun and guess what… my skin is fine.  Brand choice truly is a luxury.  I’ve banned myself from the Body Shop until I’ve used them all and the day they are finished and my drawer is considerably lighter I will enter with joy to buy exactly what I want knowing it is also something that I need.

Exercising self-control in these two small areas of my life has left me feeling lighter.  As my consumption lessens my heart lightens.  How could I waste so much for so long?  I’m sure there are many other areas I’m blind to waste and still have a lot to learn, but for now I’ve found one small step into contentment is to realise and fully take advantage of what I already have… 

Happy Birthday Steve!

 

Today is my handsome husband’s 32nd Birthday! Getting another year older never seems to phase Steve. He didn’t freak out at thirty. He doesn’t seem to compare where he’s gotten to in life with some master plan. Instead he seems to celebrate getting older with satisfaction. It’s lovely… Birthdays are a commemoration not an occasion for regret or stress. 

This year the Trundle family have gotten together to get him a lovely new espresso machine! It was so satisfying this morning to watch him open it and genuinely love his gift. He has given me so much; it’s really nice to give him something frivolous in return on such a special occasion. He sat reading his instruction manual over a bacon and egg breakfast sandwich and our new appliance will have its maiden voyage this lunchtime. Very exciting! I love the smell of freshly ground coffee, even if I don’t care for the taste of it. 

With drinks tonight and a meal with family on Friday I think my hubby will be suitably celebrated. His 32nd year had so many joys, so many highlights… I wonder if his 33rd can top it?

Loves of the Last Year #2: The DeLoreans

 

When Nathan Evans asked me if I’d be interested in singing in a covers band I have to confess I was uncertain. I’d not performed since my degree in Dance and I hadn’t sung to any significant level in many years. Would I cut the mustard or would I quietly exit stage left to be replaced by someone more experienced…

The DeLoreans is one of the most creative answers to prayer I think God has ever pulled out of the bag. In January 2007 Steve and I were looking for new ways to earn a little more so we could both continue to pursue the careers we loved, rather than the careers that guaranteed to pay the bills. When we accepted the invitation to try out as the lead vocalist and keyboard player a new adventure began.

The band has been a great source of joy for the last three years… an exciting holiday from responsibility and computer screens into a world of heavy gear, fast food, new friendships, stretching my vocal range, rapping and buying pretty costumes (amazing how many purchases you can wangle under that category. ;)

Being a functions band there’s something really amazing about being present at so many significant events in the lives of strangers. We’ve been a part of Wedding’s Birthdays and coming of age moments. We’ve assisted the celebration of life, Christmas and the raising of money for worthy causes. Each gig has been unique and I’ve felt very privileged to entertain so many.

In the last year or so The DeLoreans family has expanded from just Nath, Steve, Rees, Jim and I to include Ed (trumpet), Mark (Sax), Tom (2nd Guitar & Bass) and Ali (2nd Bass) when they’re around to help us out. Getting to know each one has been a delight, I truly couldn’t pick a better bunch to spend a lot of time waiting around with. As I look ahead to the year to come - my gosh it’s filling fast! Looks like the DeLoreans are going strong into our forth year and though I cannot reveal details yet, there is a strong possibility that we may be supporting a big act in front of maybe 10,000 people some time in Spring…

Hmm if it comes together I wonder if it would justify a new dress (only joking Steve… well only half joking).

Jim Elliot our lovely guitarist put his media degree to good use for us over Christmas and put together this day in the life video. Hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed living it.

Three Lives... One Inspiration

 

I’m not a huge fan of biographies. Ordinarily, if I’m honest, they bore me stupid. But recently I’ve been reading about the lives of three different men. They were from different countries, spoke different languages and walked this earth in different centuries. But there is something that unites them. They found their one thing… 

I began with a very slim book given to me by a very good friend (I like slim… less chance I’ll get bored). It was called ‘The Practice of the Presence of God’ and was filled with the words and accounts of a monk called Brother Laurence who lived in France in the 1600s. This man is thought by many to be exceptional for his absolute dedication and singular focus on the awareness of God’s presence. He didn’t lead a very glamorous life; one of the few things I learned about him was that he was apparently very clumsy (there’s hope for me yet)! It’s amazing that one moment of revelation became a passion strong enough that it redirected his whole life course. Enough people noted his journey that I am reading about this kitchen assistant over three centuries later. Simply summarised, he basically did everything with an awareness that Jesus was with him… naturally everything then became an act of worship and a sacrifice of love… even the pots and floors and ovens he scrubbed. Brother Laurence was a content man… 

After closing the book on this unassuming monk I felt drawn to a rather larger tome about the life of an English man from the 19th Century… I was afraid that my ambition would relegate this book to the rather shameful pile of reads unfinished, but I was wrong. Though I am still at the beginning of his journey, Hudson Taylor has captured my attention. As I read yesterday, on a slow and snowy train journey to London, a few lines jumped out at me during his journey to faith… 

‘“Dear God,” he prayed, “please give me some work to do for you, as an outlet for my love and gratitude.”’ 

The man, famous for his life in China asked God for work to do as an outlet for his love… His passion for China wasn’t about vision, or determination, or strategy… God seems to have sent him there in response to this prayer. His one thing was a desire to express his gratitude for being saved and offering that incredible gift to others. Amazingly his incredible and inspiration story began there… in his room… in prayer… 

The final man I’ve spent my week reading about was a first century Rabi who created quite a stir in the Religious and Political arenas of His time. As I read an account of His life, written by a close friend, I’ve been struck by how focussed He was on a goal He would later die for… Jesus of Nazereth came to re-unite the earth to the Father. This was no small goal. His one thing… it was huge. From Him, it would require everything. Words were spoken, signs were given, lives were utterly turned about and blood was shed. How did He keep His focus when the powerful apposed Him and others offered Him a crown? What gave Him the strength to keep going, even as he carried the instrument of His death to Calgary? How must He feel now when He sees the fruit of His sacrifice multiplying throughout the earth? 

Holding my life up next to Brother Laurence, Hudson Taylor and Jesus Christ I asked myself this question… What is my one thing? What would I live and die for? I actually think I have an inkling as to my answer… prayer… knowing and interacting with God... connecting people to Him all over the world… 

Now my challenge is: how seriously do I take it…

Loves of the Last Year #1: Emmanuel

 

“As soon as I walked into the room – BANG! – It’s just God.”
UK Sep 09

For the last hour I have been sitting on my sofa, sipping a soft drink and wiping away the tears that continue to dampen my cheeks.  What started as another job on my to-do list has become a quiet little praise session between my heart and God as the sun set outside my window.  I wasn’t led in worship by music, I wasn’t inspired by God’s word… what has moved me to love today are the thousands of words written by praying people from around the world in the last year.

I’m sure I bore the regular readers among you with my claim that I truly have the best job in the whole 24-7 movement… but it’s true.   I am the person on the other end of the phone/email/resource/website who gently nags you to tell me all God’s done through your time of 24-7 Prayer.  The reports I get often take my breath away.  From the small but profound to the large and almost unbelievable – God hasn’t been lazy in 2009!

In many of the 827 places where people have prayed night and day in the last 12 months, the same victories have been celebrated and similar lessons have been learned. Despite our diversity, our many cultures and nationalities, there are clear themes that have emerged worldwide in what our Father has been doing.

People keep coming to Jesus…

“…A friend of mine came by. She has just finished the Alpha Course at our church but she didn't decide to accept Jesus.  She heard us talking and said to me that she didn't sign for the Prayer Room because one hour was too much. I just invited her to have a look at the room.  After ten minutes she walked out and signed herself up for an hour. The next day, she accepted Jesus.”

Albania, Feb 09

“We are very encouraged by 24-7 Prayer. We did it as an experiment knowing that prayer is not a strength of our church…  The day we prepared the room and introduced 24-7, one young guy came and gave his life to the Lord… [The] guy who was saved is 19. He is one of [the] "Rolegamers", a popular youth movement in Russia. He came last winter, but did not become a Christian then. Sunday he came to our church meeting and I invited him to look at our Prayer Room. [The] Holy Spirit touched him, and I led him in prayer to Christ.”

Russia Jun 09

These are just two from so many reports I have received.  I could fill a dozen Blog posts with how God’s presence and the place of prayer have impacted lives. But it hasn’t just been new believers who’ve felt a change.  Prayer as a key to discipleship has been particularly felt in one non-stop Prayer Room that’s entering it’s second year in the Philippines…

“God changed my character (my inner character) the more I prayed the more I changed. The more I pray the more I see my heart was being corrupted by the devil. The more I pray the more I get convicted by God’s word about holiness, righteousness and justice. As whole I see myself as a patient under heart surgery. Soon ready to be used for God’s kingdom in full cooperation with the Holy Spirit. So far so good! I’m in good hands under a good and perfect surgeon – Jesus Christ.”

Philippines Feb 09

This passionate Church plan to continue praying 24-7 until Jesus returns!  We have so much to learn from their perseverance.  

As I was reading through excerpts of my correspondence, I began to try and sift them into categories.  Salvation and Discipleship were tidy headers but one messy, growing list became known simply as ‘God Made His Presence Felt’.  I guess God wasn’t thinking of my filing…

“It wasn't until the first tear fell onto the card that I realized what had just happened.  God had broken into my hiding place.  I laughed a little then as I realized what had happened (one of those really attractive snotty-sobby laughs… and then in that simple moment I just sat with my Daddy and I let myself cry. That moment was SO profound to me. It sounds nothing I know but at the same time it MEANT everything.”

UK Feb 09

“The power of prayer has truly been shown in the Lord’s response to Paula’s illness.  Ayr and Glasgow Royal hospitals gave confirmation of a cancerous tumour prior to her operation.  Through the activation and constant chain of prayer, nearly 3 weeks later, following her 10-hour operation – there is NO CANCER OR TUMOUR, the mass being fibrous scar tissue.  This has amazed the surgeon in charge of Paula’s case, an expert in his field.  I am humbled beyond belief at the enormity of what has and is happening.”

Scotland Jun 09

As believers from Albania, Angola, Dominica, Iceland, Jamaica, Kyrgyzstan, Sierra Leone, Turkey and Togo joined the Church in over 100 nations, 2009 was drenched in prayer. My hope and prayer for myself and for all others is encapsulated by these final few sentences…

“It has changed my life and I pray and hope to remain this way.  God is good.”

Jamaica Apr 09