Someone I consider pretty smart has asked if there was a recording of my talk last Sunday on Trinity and Community. My reaction to his question gave me pause for thought... I was afraid. It's silly but I feel a self imposed pressure to be able to say something smart or original when it comes to talking about God, but time and again it's the simple things he inspires or challenges me with... grace, love, the gospel... wow I think that pretty much sums up every talk I've given in the last two years and they've been about topics ranging from judgement to truth with a lot about prayer in between.
I love studying... learning from people with a lot more time and dedication than I, who can take complex discussions and ideas and phrase them in a way I can get my head around; in ways that I can actually see in the Bible. I've enjoyed the challenge I've felt from God to go deeper into study and to really search for the crux of the matter for these people at this moment every time I prepare a new talk. The sense of relief and pleasure when I feel like I've hit on it... it's like the message is so much more than my communication, it's something God is already doing, already saying and I'm just putting some words around it.
So why do I feel afraid? Why the pressure?
It's an honour to get to speak about even the most commonly known and simple things about our mysterious, majestic, unknowable God. It's life giving to describe the life, death and resurrection of Jesus and to contemplate what the world can become when his people follow his lead. Maybe it's pride? Like Paul said... if my words are simple but impact people I can take no credit; only point to God as working through them. Hmmm... if it's my lot, to only speak simply, for the rest of my life. To be unimpressive and at times probably quite obvious, then I am still in. Even the simplest things about the Father, Son and Spirit are engrossing when my mind is switched on and my heart is ready to be moved... cx