Amazed & Confused

No pain, no gain

It seems my blog posts are either bubbling over with excitement, a glimpse into my messy head or thoroughly shallow splurges at the moment.  I'm embracing it!  This morning I have clothing on my mind.  Yesterday I had one of those thoroughly girly moments that if I didn't have scrupples would have sent me flying credit card in hand to my local high street - I am sooo bored of my wardrobe!

Oh yeah - I just typed that cliche!

I am bored of my TShirts, my lack of trend, my not quite fitting right trousers... I have lamented the departure (into the bin) of beloved tops and tights that have fallen foul of washing machine holes.  I want to shop.  Here's the thing though... it's like there are two voices in my head.  The tempestuous two year old who likes shiny, new things and the rather more creative 30 something who wants to live like I believe beauty comes from within, it's best not to consume for the sake of it and that it's good to use things until they truly wear out.  

Thankfully I had a brain wave.  

I decided to make one small purchase and then play dress up with clothes I already own.  I bought tights - I opened my wardrobe and I put things together I'd never thought of before.   Fun!  I decided I have more than I think I do and all it takes is a little reshuffle, a smidgen of creativity and perhaps the willingness to wear more heals to spice up my daily wardrobe.  I began today by breaking out shorts and my new tights with a newish pair of heals.  As I walked to the Guildford office from the train station I remembered why they were still newish - I keep chickening out of breaking them in properly.  Ouch!  Oh well, has to happen sometime - no pain, no gain.  Everytime I longed for my slobby, comfy stuff I looked down and thought, "Oooo pretty."  

Wow - I really am shallow :)

What's all the fuss about?

 

Friday night was the culmination of weeks, nay months, of prayer and preparation.  The Push Community, our recent labour of love, said a big hello to the world as the website went live and we worshipped with friends.  I spent a lot of my free time last week collaborating with Steve in editing the above video for the launch.  Check it out.  (No serious - stop reading and press play; my limited video editing ability meant hours of work!)

The first song from this worship and song-writing collective is available to stream for free on the site and will be available to download from iTunes this week.  It's called "God you are good" and I've had it pretty much on repeat all weekend.  Sophia who wrote it has been leading me in worship through my iPhone headphones.  It's gorgeous and only beaten in my estimation by her most recently finished song 'Jesus you're more'. It gives me goosebumps everytime I hear it.  I think it'll be released some time in the near future.  

I'm always proud of my lovely husband, but Friday I was particularly glowing.  The Push Community is about everything Steve was made for - worship, developing/investing in/loving people and pushing creativity in music.  He's already given so much in time, skill and energy into this community, it's amazing to start to see the fruit.  

Let's push things forward...

Two days and counting until the Push Community says a big hello to the world. The worship and song writing collective that Steve is at the hub of, has been preparing for this week for months.  My free time has been spent editting videos, writing blog posts and generally helping out as Steve works on website content and rehearses for Friday night's gig.  It's all looking pretty good and the first track they're releasing at the weekend sounds great.  I have little energy for any other writing so this blog may be a bit quiet for a few days.  I'll be back soon though.  

I may be a Creep, but at least I'm an animated Creep...

 

Wow - animated people jumping out of windows!  I love this music video.  (Er... that reads weird)  I came across the above during a creative sesson Scot and had to create the brief for the new 24-7 Prayer animation.  As we brainstormed drawing styles he dashed out of the room to grab a laptop and show me the above.  It's brilliant! 

If you like radiohead this video is a must play.  It's a little downbeat/morose for the mood of our little film but the drawing is stunning.  Anyone got any animators or videos that might help us in writing our brief?  We're making an animation called "Why Pray?"  We want it to feel young, fun, a little playful, international but able to pack a bit of a punch.  Our storyboard/naration is based on some brilliant ideas from Pete Greig and is shaping up nicely. Scot and I are meeting with an animator next Monday :)  

Steve Harding, Steve Harding - can people be homonyms?

Less than a month after reading a novel about a chance meeting of two guys with the same name, life is mimicing fiction in my inbox.  Today I got an email from my lovely brother in law Nick (above left) about a certain someone's upcoming birthday.  He sent it to his wife, to Steve (above right) and I, and as I finished reading it I noticed that my hubby had been very quick off the mark in responding.  This was his email...

"Hello Nick:

While I personally believe that everyone should have... [er I'm deleting this bit for present confidentiality reasons.]  I don't think I'm the Steve Harding you really wanted to reach.

I'm an American journalist, and I live in Washington D.C. That being said, does your branch of the Harding family have any ties to Loughborough in Leicestershire? My people left there in 1832 for the dubious charms of North America.

Cheers,
Steve Harding"

Amazing!  Who knew another Steve was just an email address typo away!  OK maybe that's not so unbelievable but it's very cool he took the time to email back.  As someone facinated by string theory and multiverse fiction I can't help wondering whether the two Steve's are anything alike.  I know they're not the same Steve from different dimensions but what if they'e American and British counterparts!  Facinating!  

Have you ever met someone with exactly the same name?  Were they anything like you?  Oooo now I want to have a Carla and Steve Hardings dinner party and invite our names sakes from all over the world.  All in the name of science of course... xc

AMAZING: New Muppets trailer parodies Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

via www.totalfilm.com

This is genius. Only the muppets could make this happen. I will see the film solely on this trailer that probably has nothing to do with the plot!

Book thirty: Bonhoeffer was a smart bloke

This lunchtime, as I sat under a weak sun munching on peanut butter and jam sandwiches, I finished the final passages of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's book, 'Life Together'. My conclusions are thus:

a. He's a pretty smart bloke
b. It's a beautifully Christo-centric look at life, community and growth
c. This sphere of thinking has greatly inflenced my sub-family within the Christian Church

Reading Bonheoffer's words brought into sharp focus the reasoning behind many values and aspirations I'm very familiar with.  (Not that we have perfectly attained them!)  It's a book I have imediately decided I want to share and re-read.  I love how he considers community life, and keeps it firmly focussed on living for Jesus and serving each other.  His words, though first published around 60 years ago, are incredibly relevant and challenging to the individualistic and self-gratifying culture we live in. 

I highly recommend reading this short but meaty text; it's written with a wonderful heart even if the translation and contextualisation of some of his ideas made me smile. I've ordered a copy of his other famous work 'The Cost of Discipleship' so it's likely he'll be making another appearance in my great reading challenge of 2011.  (Speaking of which, I'm slowly catching up with my target - hurrah!)

A matter of life and death

I find it an humbling and slightly frightening privilege/challenge to talk to people about God.  I've been speaking as part of the team at Revelation Church for some years now, but the opportunity and responsibility is never lost in me.  Particularly when I'm looking at such a profound and life altering passage like John chapter 11.  

Last Sunday I shared a few thoughts on the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead and it felt like a week of thought, prayer, tears and conversation were reaching a head.  This was a challenging one...  I had to do some business of my own with God before even thinking about what from my study and prayer I'd share with the Revs family.  I think it was true to say I was a little apprehensivetalking about life, death, grief, pain, hope, heaven, paradox and what it means to follow Jesus here and now.  In case you missed it I blogged a little about it last week.

"I am, right here and now, the resurrection and the life...
Do you believe this?" Jesus

Obviously Jesus is pretty spectacular in this passage, but I've become a bit of fan of Thomas, and I don't mean the Tank Engine.  It was the small, blink-and-you'd-miss-it role this disciple played and his ongoing journey of doubt, joy and determination that challenged me most as I studied last week.  As I shared about his journey and the perspectives of Jesus, Martha and Lazarus, I was moved by the number of people who shared my reaction.

If you're interested in listening to where I got to in my reflections you can download a recording or listen online here.  A special thanks to those who prayed as I prepared.

Has prayer been feminized? My thoughts.

This morning I switched on my tweetdeck to read this post from the lovely Brian Heasley:

"Anyone else ever worry that prayer has become overly feminized http://brianheasley.blogspot.com/2011/09/feminized-prayer.html I posted some thoughts @247prayer"

Brian is a brilliant blogger, I've been reading his Curious in Ibiza musings for many a year and I love how he can take a topic and stir up a bit of debate.  The one he's hit on today is an interesting one and mirrors my thoughts from this past weekend particularly.

Fundamentally I agree with Brian's concern.  Within European circles there do seem to be a lot more chicks than blokes involved in leading and taking part in prayer.  (I don't think this is true in other continents but let's limit this to a close to home discussion.) I do lead the prayer team he mentions and he's right over the years we've had two (amazing) guys and seven women involved.  This is actually been something of a concern for us and though we've actually sought to include more men we've found that difficult.  It's not that there aren't many men with deep prayer lives, more often that their primary energy in serving and leading is channeled elsewhere.  For example the corresponding 24-7 Communities team is all male.  

Are women drawn to prayer and men drawn to community leadership?  Is the trend a gender or cultural bias?

I think there is an element of what you see is what you replicate. Though many streams of the church have embraced female leadership in the last century there seem to be more men that women leading in this context.  Could women be more involved in prayer because we've lacked male champions to point the way for their peers?

Now I am speaking in very broad generalisations because I actually know a lot of very prayerful men.  Ian Cole, Etienne Piek, Pete Grieg (the leader of 24-7 Prayer!) and Brian himself (to name four of many) have led the way in this area.  I think men can and do have deep personal prayer lives and many in my community meet regularly to pray with one or two other guys. But, as I said, in general and in my own community experience, corporate prayer does seem more regularly and eagerly engaged with by women than men.

Why?

Sorry Brian I don't think it has to do with women traditionally staying at home or men going to work and the time that potentially gives you. (All the home Mums I know are very busy women!) 

I think style has something to do with it.  As our church circles have moved more in creative and contemplative prayer we may arguably not have considered both genders in our approach.  I've generally found that extreme and active prayer times attract a more balanced cross-section of the genders, where as our regular prayer breakfast has a ratio of about 2-1, women to men. 

What do you guys think?  I take this issue very seriously as it's something I really want to see change.  Do you think there is an imbalance in the genders in prayer?  Do you have any inklings as to why? What could we do to make it more open for all? (Read Brian's original blog post here.)

Ten years since the towers fell

What can you write on a day like today?  What can you say about that day ten years ago when millions of people held their breath and watched in shock at an attack and a catastrophy unfold, live, before our eyes. Has the world changed since the 9th September 2001?  

My good friend Scot is writing a piece for 24-7 Prayer on what's happened since 9/11 and how the world has been impacted.  To help him collate his thoughts he sent me a many others three questions.  I wanted to mark this day somehow, but I wasn't sure how... so, here they are; my answers.  If you're able why not tell me yours in the comments...

1. The world is reminded almost daily that everything changed 10 years ago with the terrorist attack on America. What were you doing when you first saw the news broadcasts what was your response and what changed for you that day? 

I was in the 24-7 Prayer office in Chichester. We were just a small team then, unaware of how far this movement would spread. I was volunteering in my free time whilst studying at Chichester University. A friend walked into the office and told us the news. We were so shocked, it didn't feel real. I headed home and many of our friends gathered in our living room to watch the news.

2. What if anything has changed over the last 10 years with regard to Prayer movements and initiatives? have you seen or sensed an increase in prayer in the church nationally, in your region and around the world?

I don't know if it's connected but there has been such an acceleration in prayer across the globe in the last ten years. At the celebration for the Global Day of Prayer last year I was amazed by the number of movements that have sprung up throughout the last decade. God has called us to pray. It may look, sound and feel a little different from place to place, generation to generation, but there seems to be no doubt the heart is the same. We need him. The world needs him. We must pray.

3. Jesus said 'blessed are the peacemakers' looking forward to the months and years ahead what can we do to become bringers of peace to a world in conflict?

I think the key to peace is love, so the question I'm challenged to ask is "What does love look like?" Love is more than a word, an idea, a command, it's the pivot around which Jesus asks us to centre our lives. When faced with tragedy, with someone who's hurt us, with a need, or a thanks, or an opportunity, we can ask... What does loving prayer look like here? What does loving action look like now?

Book twenty nine: authority and submission

I fancied a little bible study this week so the twenty nineth book in my 52 in a year project was 'The Role and Ministry of Women' by Martin Scot.  I whipped through this short bible study in a couple of hours and found it an interesting read.  I particularly liked his thoughts on the nature of authority and submission.  Can anyone recommend any other good books or study on the topic?

Book twenty eight: Best fantasy I've read this year!

The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson is one of the best books I have read this year!  A generous gift from a fellow fantasy enthusiast I whipped through this tale of intrigue, politics and allomancy at lightening speed.  Finally, a book to rush home for, a book to stay up way past my bed time and awake tired next the day for.  I absolutely loved the complexity of the characters, the suspense and the fullness of the world it's set in.  There was a great sense of reality and physicality, and I was genuinely surprised by the twists and turns of the plot.  Can't wait to read the next in the series.  

I will say no more because it was a truly original read and I'm going to be passing it around my fellow fantasy geeks to share the love.  If you like a thrilling tale of fantastical lands this is a must read.

Lunching with the lovely Togwells

There are few things more glorious than eating sherbert out of a vintage tea cup in a quirky cafe with great friends.  Yesterday afternoon the 24-7 team decamped to Drink, Shop, Do near Kings Cross to do just that (though technically I'm the only one who turned her tongue pink eating sherbert).

Our lunchtime celebrations were in honour of an amazing couple: Phil and Emma Togwell.  For the last five years Phil has led the 24-7 Prayer UK team.  He's done a splendid job sharing his time, wisdom and home with many.  However, this September heralds a change as Phil leaves behind his UK role to focus on a rather exciting new venture: Prayer Spaces in Schools.   

Yesterday we lunched, gave gifts and honoured Phil and Emma for all they've invested up this point. Even though we weren't saying goodbye, it seemed important to recognise the journey and sacrifice of the last decade.  Prayer Spaces in UK Schools are taking off and they couldn't be in safer hands.  I am particularly chuffed as this move in role means I get to work even more closely with Mr Togwell and look forward to benefitting from a lot of laughter, musing and book recommendations in the years to come... xc

It takes courage to have hope

Prepare yourself for a random stream of thought... Courage, hope, life and compassion are the themes rummaging around in my head this week.  On Sunday I'm speaking to my community, Revelation Church, on Jesus' words,

"I am the resurrection and the life." John 11:25.  

It's an incredible passage.  Jesus arrives to find that someone he loves (Lazarus) has died and in verse 35, the shortest verse in the Bible, it says that "Jesus wept."  Jesus... wept... Jesus who went on to raise Lazarus to life... who knew the future hope... who had the power... stopped and wept in present pain.

Pain and Joy. Loss and hope. Death and Life. 

We each live with these opposites everyday.  You don't have to look far to see the promise of life in a new born baby or a relationship reconciled.  You don't also have to look very far to see brokeness, injustice, depression, disconnection...  The kingdom of God is here; and it's fullness is yet to come...

People living with the eternal perspective of resurrection life have to be able to be comfortable with paradox.  How do we keep sight of Jesus, of the hope and life he offers?  How do we remain courageous hope-rs even in the face of apparent failure or death?  

I WANT COURAGEOUS HOPE!  

A hope that is rooted in something deep and stable, in someone loving and good.  A hope that will carry me through life and all it has to throw at me.  Everytime I'm knocked down I want to get back up and dare to believe that things will be better, that God is moving.  I want to pray with that hope, love with that hope, live like that hope and life and love is all that matters.  I want a heart like Jesus' that can be fully present in pain but with the courage to bring life through God... 

I think that I can't talk about resurection hope without talking about brokeness and pain.  Feels a bit heavy and I'm nervous.  Lots of praying and thinking and reading to do between now and Sunday but I guess I'll get there.  If my current thoughts are headed in the right direction then God will give me a way to express them...

Hmm this all reads very negative but it's actually really positive in my head.  What use is hope if it's not needed.  There is a lot of need.  How do we live as people praying, breathing, living, bringing ressurection life here and now?  Don't hold me to this stream of thought - I reserve the right to end up going in another direction with this passage on Sunday, but here and now, its provoking some interesting conversation... x

Meeting Mr Milo

Good news everyone (don't worry this isn't a Dr Farnsworth moment), my gorgeous little french born nephew has been repatriated into the UK!  Huzzah!  Yesterday Steve and I sped to West Hoathly to see Nick, Sarah and the lovely (and very little) Milo George Harding.  Our little soldier is doing very well though it's going to be a few months before all the new born clothes we bought for him will fit properly.  Despite being 9/10 weeks premature he's doing superbly - quite the little miracle.  

Sarah is a marvel - despite a rather frightening birth she is happy, relaxed and a very natural mother.  Milo is one lucky boy.  He is incredibly loved.  Looking at him I was amazed by how much he looked like a miniature version of his Father.  A great way to end the weekend and start the week. Thank you God for looking after Milo and bringing him to us safely (if a little early!)

A Passion for Pioneering - birthing the Push Community

 

I'm incredibly proud of my handsome husband at the moment.  At the end of this month the worship/songwriting collective he's been part of pulling together, will say a big hello to the world.  For years now Steve has longed to try something a little different in the sphere of music development.  In 2010 he found two friends who felt the same way and together they began Push. 

The Push Community is not terribly easy to describe because it doesn't fit neatly into previous industry categories.  At it's heart it's a community of Jesus followers who are particularly passionate about worship and creativity in song writing.  They're from different churches, different towns across the UK but they come together to create together and share what's working with the world.

Steve, Tom and Doug are committed to seeing each one be able to stay in their local community whilst being developed spiritually and musically.  They've already begun recording the songs that could be used nationwide and aim to help each song writer get their song out there without having to sign a record contract that locks them in beyond that song (often it can be for a number of albums or years.)

This very open approach to development and publishing could backfire I guess, but I love that there's only community and the value of growing together, rather than a piece of paper, that's going to keep everyone in this.

The first larger gathering of song writers was Sunday night. As they worship, prayed and shared the songs they were working on I was moved by the depth and passion in the room.  There will be some amazing sounds to fill our churches coming out in the next few months.

I've been supporting Steve and helping out where ever I can with writing (er blogs not songs... my songs would suck), editing a cool little video, and generally taking notes, offering social media advice, praying and making tea.  There's a real energy to this stage in their development.  Reminds of what it's like every time the 24-7 community takes a plunge off the deep end following God somewhere new.  There's something in me that lives for these times.

The boys are working on a website as a hub for those interested in connecting with the community and I'll let you know when their cyber home and their Twitter account, Facebook page and YouTube channel is up and running.  If you're in the south of England they're launching with a live event in Bognor Regis, in the church of the first worship leader they're publishing.  The lovely Sophia Jenkins is just 17 years old and has a beautiful heart and voice.  I'll be there, let me know if you will be too :)

When I grow up I want to be like Alana

One of the greatest blessings I have experienced being a part of the 24-7 family are the people I've met.  I have laughed, learned and walked through a lot with some incredible people from all over the world.  One such person, has just flown away from the UK, crossing that great atlantic pond to move back to the US...

I miss her already.

Alana - come back!

The title of this post is a bit of a jokey compliment... technically I am a grown up (apparently) and Alana and I are peers, but I guess I can't help but look up to this amazing woman.  She has challenged me to think, taught me a lot, recommended many amazing books, been very kind, and given me something to aspire to in my life long persuit in getting to know God.  I know I'm not alone.  For the last few years, Alana's been doing this as a friend and mentor to many young men and women.  The UK is a poorer place without her in it.  

Alana I pray good things as you re-settle in your near-Boston home.  I know our friendship will not end here (skype call with mango smoothies soon!)  Our paths will cross in one nation or another but in the mean time I've lost my coffee break philosopher... and I'm sad... I guess I'll have to settle with new conversations and adventures via blogs, twitter and the like, but Alana, please hurry up and write your books!  I'm still expecting you to challenge me no matter what country you're living in xxx

Why do I watch Top Model?

 

If there is one programme Steve can't stand it's the Top Model franchise.  I suspect he doesn't like being in the room when it's on.  I'm pretty sure he's thinking, 'how can my reasonably intellegent wife watch this?'  I don't like to get into too much, because he lets me watch it and part of me knows he's right...

Why do I watch Top Model?

There's a part of me that knows - I LOVE the photography.  I'm constantly amazed at rediculous looking shoots can produce the most interesting and beautiful stills.  However, I'm not sure sitting through the other 45 minutes of the show is worth it.  What does it say about beauty?  On one hand it's 'be individual' - on the other the modelling industry is entirely about scrutinising appearance (hats off to anyone with a thick enough skin and strong enough self image to endure it).  Also Top Model suffers from the same blight that most reality TV shows do...

Forced conflict...

Sigh.  I was once part of a documentary.  The people who made it were lovely, good people, but even with such a positive experience I was surprised how much action and dialogue was manipulated to tell the story they're were interested in, rather than necessarily what happened.  It was an eye opener into the world of 'reality' TV and documentaries.  I guess wouldn't be surprised to discover they're all scripted and cast like dramas.  

I gave up on Big Brother years ago because I became bored with the shock tactics and editing. I've abandoned almost all reality programming but there are two I still love... America's/Britains Next Top Model and The X Factor/American Idol.  (Ok technically they're four shows but I consider them two.)

I don't want to lose all sense of fun and shallow in my life but as I sipped my soup and caught an ANTM episode this lunchtime I couldn't help wondering... is it really worth watching?  What actually happens?  If you paired it down to the part I'm interested it in would be about 15 minutes long!

So time to confess - are you a reality TV adict?  What do you watch and why?  No judgement, I'm genuinely curious.  If there is very little reality what is the draw?  Are they the 21st Century equivalent of a soap opera or is it something more insiduous?